Rough Draft Essay #1 Thoughts

The rough draft for my first college essay is long and descriptive, which I like,but there are still kinks in it. It is, after all, still a rough draft. I would like to change some of the vocabulary that I used to make the overall essay sound more professional. In addition, it still needs to be longer. I think I should be more descriptive on how the picture represents certain aspects of my life, or how it portrays the relationship I have with my brother. Finally, I’m planning on adding a segment that explains the how the room and the people in the picture have changed. It will be a nice addition to the essay, plus it will make it longer.

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